


Steve's Houseplant

by alexcat



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack, M/M, Sex Pollen, Silly, a semi sentient houseplant, reference to the Badoon from the comics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 21:55:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30045348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexcat/pseuds/alexcat
Summary: Steve gets a new houseplant that causes trouble. Or does it?
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 9
Kudos: 35
Collections: Fanfiction Renegades, Of Elves and Men





	Steve's Houseplant

**Author's Note:**

  * For [firecat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/firecat/gifts).



> This meme started it all:  
> [](https://imgur.com/DlwmALV)

Steve bought the plant at a shop near the tower. Natasha told him some plants in his apartment would make it seem homier and less like a dormitory or barracks. The plant was about two feet high and a bright yellow-green. It had something that he thought were blooms coming on the ends of the branches and they were large green pods that reminded him of sunflowers somehow. 

He set the plant in front of a window and forgot about it, except to water it as the directions had said. The directions had been a little odd but he hadn’t paid much attention at the time. 

_Plant likes indoor sun and needs water twice a week. Feed it once or twice a month with regular plant food though ground up mealworms or dried insects are preferred. If plant touches skin, bathe immediately and quarantine for 24 hours._

He shrugged when he read it. An insurance company telling the plant company to cover its own ass, he supposed. The modern world was very litigious. People even threatened to sue the Avengers. One woman threatened to sue because she’d gotten pregnant after seeing him and Tony on television, claiming they’d made her so aroused that she hadn’t bothered with birth control. 

Tony had loved that one and lorded it over everyone for a week. 

The plant bloomed and the bloom was green, just like the plant and it smelled – well, not bad but odd, more like a chemical than a flower. He decided to move it to the common room where they all watched television. When he picked it up, the bloom touched his face. He hadn’t even thought about the instruction to bathe immediately and had gone about his day. 

He sat on the sofa and started to watch something on one of the cable news channels. 

“Reports are coming in all over of a dangerous plant grown in Badoon Nursery, which is being sold in shops all over Manhattan. If you have one of these plants, please return it to the store or destroy it.” 

Badoon sounded familiar, but he was busy working on his laptop and forgot about it. 

“What is that odd smell?” Tony asked as he grabbed the remote and changed the channel to a documentary on Stark Industries. 

“The plant.” Steve nodded toward the plant sitting in front of the window. 

When he actually looked at it, he noticed the bloom was opening and closing slowly. There seemed to be a mist coming from it. 

“I should feed it,” he told Tony, not knowing why he even said it. 

“What does it eat?” 

“Dried bugs,” he said absently after he turned his attention back to Tony. He’d never noticed how Tony’s trousers were just tight enough to hint at what was under them. Or that Tony had such sexy hands. And eyes.

Damn, his own trousers were getting rather tight, too, pulling at his – oh shit! He was as hard as a 14-year-old with his first porn video! 

“Cap?” Tony looked concerned. “You okay?” 

“Is it hot in here?” Steve asked a little breathlessly. 

Tony’s gaze went down to Steve’s tented trousers. “I think it might be just you.”

To be honest, Steve had always had _some_ attraction to Tony, but what was happening now was not that. He couldn’t seem to think about anything but how he could smell Tony’s sex. 

“Steve?”

“Ever considered having sex with me?” Steve blurted out.

“Steve?” Tony looked – what? Amused? 

“I don’t know what has come over me. I need – I need to – sex. I need sex.” 

Tony grinned. “Tonight at my place?” 

“Now!” Steve told him. “Here!” 

“You all right?” Tony was beginning to look a little concerned. 

“No!” Steve yanked his zipper down and his erect and dripping cock popped free. He closed his hand around it and began to stroke quite frantically. 

“Where did you get this plant?” Tony asked. 

What the fuck was he talking about? Steve thought. Didn’t Stark realize that he was a sex god? Fuck! He was going to – 

“OH God, Tony! I’m coming!” and he did, spurting white semen out onto his lap and his trousers and possibly the coffee table. 

Tony watched, shocked at first but then something closer to what Steve was feeling came into his face. “What is that smell?” he asked again as if Steve hadn’t told him a few moments before. 

“The plant. It’s doing this to me.” 

He grabbed his cock again before he noticed that Tony had scooped up a bit of his semen from the table on a tissue and was heading to the plant. “Don’t,” he practically shouted at Tony as he rubbed the tissue on the green bloom. The plant literally seemed to sigh out loud. 

When he turned back around, Tony’s face was a mask of lust and his trousers were definitely showing off Tony’s asset now since it was obviously as erect as Steve’s already was. 

By the time Tony reached the sofa, he had freed his own erection and he came to stand right in front of Steve. Tony lifted his hips and tightened his muscles enough to make his cock bob in Steve’s face. 

Steve took him in one hand while desperately grasping his own dick in the other one and leaned close enough to smell Tony. He opened his mouth and took him deep, sucking and stroking at the same time that he was jerking himself off. 

Tony fucked his mouth hard and, somehow, they managed to get off together, both moaning though Steve’s was a little muted by his mouth being full of Tony’s cock. 

After they finished, the both looked over at the plant and it was taller and had another bloom coming. 

“Where did you get that plant?” Tony asked him again. 

This time, in the few seconds it took for the effects to start working again, Steve managed to answer. “I got it at the shop down the street. They said it just came in.” 

“I think it’s the plant on the news. They said people shouldn’t touch it,” Tony said quickly. He was already showing signs of being aroused again. “Maybe it gives off some kind of sex pollen.” 

“That’s a thing?” Steve asked. He thought he’d heard of everything by now. 

“Yeah. I read about it in the SHIELD files. Alien plants. Some race called the Badoon love to experiment on humans.”

“That was the name of the Nursery that the news said the poison plants came from,” Steve told him. “I need you to shut up and suck my dick this time, Stark.” Steve leaned back and held his cock up for Tony to see. 

“Fuck!” Tony whispered and did just that, jerking himself off just as Steve had done a few minutes ago. When he was spent and was finished swallowing Steve’s semen, he looked at Steve. “We should leave the room,” he told Steve. 

“We can’t leave the plant in here. What if Natasha – oh god, can you see her and Barton?” Steve burst out laughing. 

“Maybe we get out and come back in hazmat suits?” Tony suggested. 

“I want to get out and fuck you,. I – there’s nothing else that I can think of right now.”

Tony looked around and back at Steve. “Yeah, me too.”

“Do you want to come on the plant?” This urge had just hit Steve like a ton of bricks. It was as irresistible as the sex was.

“Oh yes,” Tony whispered, his eyes dark with passion again. 

They stood in unison and walked over to the plant, each of them reaching for the other one and they did just that, both of them spurting all over the pale green blooms. The plant made that damn sound again. And it grew another bloom right before their eyes. 

“We have to get rid of this thing!” Tony gasped as Steve pulled him close for a kiss.

“Not sure we can.” Steve said after that kiss and several more. “Not sure I can stop this long enough to do anything.” He ran his hand down Tony’s abdomen, taking him in hand again. 

“Maybe we call someone to come get it?” Tony said. 

Steve knew he must be desperate to say that. “What? Like Clint and Nat? Do you really want them to see us with each other’s dicks in our hands?” 

“No. I really want you to fuck me. Damn it!” 

“Can JARVIS help?” Steve asked Tony as he positioned Tony on all fours on the sofa. 

“Maybe. DUM-E could spray it with herbicide… JARVIS?” Tony called out as Steve came up with some kind of oil to slather on his cock and Tony’s ass. 

“Yes, sir?” 

“Do we have any herbicide here in the tower?” 

“Yes sir. There is some in the basement, where the gardener’s keep their tools and equipment.” 

“We need it. And we need DUM-E to spray it.” 

“Wouldn’t one of your human colleagues be better?” JARVIS asked. 

“NO!” Tony shouted as Steve pressed into him, gripping his hips hard enough to bruise them. “They’ll become infected.”

“Yes sir. I’ll have DUM-E there as soon as possible.” 

Tony looked back at Steve and shrugged. They continued what they started and came to yet another groaning and straining conclusion. The door popped open and there stood Natasha and Clint in hazmat suits, both with pressurized sprayers. 

“You boys having some trouble?” Clint asked, not even bothering to hide his laughter. 

“Kill the damn plant and get the hell out,” Steve growled, trying to keep from grabbing at Clint. “And for god’s sake, don’t come any closer.”

He could see that Nat was suppressing a smile inside her helmet too. She and Clint both sprayed the plant. It made a whiny sound and flopped down, wilted and already turning black. Clint went out in the hall and came back with a plastic box. He and Nat carefully lifted the dead plant into the box and sealed the lid on it. They left, both laughing as they went. 

Tony asked Steve. “Well?”

“Well what?” Steve asked. 

“Are you okay now? Has the sex pollen worn off?” 

“I think so.” 

They moved apart and looked at one another, realizing at the same time that neither man’s erection had flagged all that much. 

Tony asked, “Want to come to the penthouse and finish this in privacy?”

“Oh yeah.” Steve grinned at him and they took the private elevator to Tony’s apartment. Steve still wanted Tony badly. Maybe they just imagined the sex pollen. 

Neither of them noticed the faint outline of a leaf on Steve’s cheek where the plant touched him when he moved it.

**Author's Note:**

> My [**Tumblr**](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/alexcat45).


End file.
